Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Life Lessons From Your Soul - Tests

Tests and challenges will always come to us. No matter how good we are or how ideal our lives may appear to be, difficult tests will continue to present themselves to us. The personality is often unhappy about the things that are handed to us. Often it wants to avoid the test or ask to take a different one. We cannot. We are given what we are given for a reason - like the song from the 60's based on the scripture from Ecclesiastes - "To everything turn, turn, turn. There is a season turn, turn, turn, and a time to every purpose under heaven. A time to laugh. A time to cry."

As the elevator descended to the first floor of the hospital yesterday, I wearily laid my head against the wall and thought; "I can't do this test, God. This one is too hard." I had never had that thought before. I actually became a bit worried about myself at that thought. I am tired and scared and sad and confused and depleated from this painful test with the very best friend I have ever had.

This morning, I wondered what time it was. As I searched for my cell phone, the little voice in my head said "A time to grieve". I know. This is my time to feel grief. I just have to go through it. I don't know why. I may never know. Or, maybe one day some piece of this will become abundantly clear. I know, beyond all certainty, that equal measure of light will come to me again one day that matches and exceeds the level of darkness that I am currently walking through. I know that to access the soul lesson, my personality must let go and allow this test to run it's course. There is no control here. The personality wants that. There is only surrender. That is the soul of this test.


Post a Comment

<< Home